Thursday, November 17, 2005

1.L. Phone Home

Long distance relationships are hard. Obviously. But, I now know from experience. Even though things are going better than I could have possibly imagined, it takes a consistent and conscious effort to make sure that the physical distance between us doesn't grow into an emotional one.

I try and speak to the girl as much as I can. I drop notes letting her know that I am thinking of her. We chat all the time. But, I'm always left wondering if its enough. No matter what I say or do, I can't help shake the feeling that I should be doing more. Should I have skipped the talk on cyberlaw to call her in between classes? Should I have spent an extra few minutes chatting online before going to study? I used to think I was reading too much into the details.

Until I got the following message this week: "I love you but hate when you don't call me back."

That scared me. The last thing I want her thinking is that I forgot about her. When I got her voicemail the night before, after leaving the library, it was already late on Pacific time. But on East coast time, it was the dead of night. I thought better of waking her up. I guess, maybe I should have? This is the problem that I'm having with a long distance relationship. The lack of transparency. Aside, of course, from the lack of (supply your own innuendo here).

I called her right away. I felt terribly. But, it turns out, that she was the one that ended up apologizing. She said that the distance was the problem and not anything that I had done. She said it was a message dropped out of frustration that we don't get to see each other as much as she'd like and was unbelievably sorry for having caused me to worry. She's amazing.

When you can't see someone's face or hold them close, communication suffers. We're left with reading intentions into things that may or may not be there. I think the communication revolution has actually stunted meaningful human interaction in exchange for convenience and immediacy. It's difficult enough already to figure out what a woman really means when you're face to face...

All I know is that next time, I'm waking Sweet Caroline up.


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