Sunday, November 06, 2005

Why Go To New York? Let New York Come To Me.

I just got back from the 49ers-Giants game at the-stadium-formerly-known-as-Candlestick. Big Blue won the day by a 24-6 margin. But, it was a whistleblowing affair with dozens of penalties. Shockey's ability to haul in Eli flutter balls is phenomenal and Plaxico is looking even better than a poor man's Randy Moss. Their contribution was the key today - combining for nine catches and about 160 yards of offense. But, clearly, the most entertaining part of the afternoon was bearing witness to unruly fan behavior. So, without further ado, I reveal...

Today's Top Three Most Ridiculous Fans

3. 14 year old male skater poser punk. You looked really alternative in your beanie cap and skateboard paraphernalia. But, I think you broke character when you started eating pink and yellow cotton candy. To ensure that nobody else in the section found your disaffected youth persona credible, you spilled your 30 ounce souvenir cup of soda on yourself. Just because I gave you napkins doesn't mean I wasn't internally laughing my ass off.

2. 26 year old fraternity meathead. No one, I'm sure, doubted your deep loyalty to the 49ers. But, I think that your profanity laced tirades were not warmly welcomed in our family filled section. Some people might have thought throwing popcorn and garbage at strangers was a sign of disrespect, but not you. For a 26 year old fraternity meathead, that's just how you do. Sadly, the 49ers only mustered 6 points and never had the lead. Because I have a feeling we really didn't get to see the best of all you had to offer.

1. 48 year old drunk wife. When a woman appreciates football, it can be a seductive turn-on. When the woman is in her late forties, wasted, and heckling against the home team, it is the stuff of which dreams are made. That, or objects of extreme ridicule. Rather than quietly blend in, you chose to let the whole section know, albeit in slurring sentence fragments, exactly what you thought of Niners futility. And you did it all in your powder pink hat. True, fraternity meathead found it entertaining to throw food at you. But, something like that couldn't ruin your time. Especially since you were too much of a lush to notice. Good thing your husband was there to play damage control, because the Asian couple to your right seemed somewhat irked when you sprayed beer suds on their child in celebration of a Shockey touchdown catch.

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