Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Say What?

I was having a conversation about food today (as I very often do) when I mentioned that I'm a big fan of corned beef.

Asked whether that's because my Mom makes one home cooked, I said that it really had nothing to do with it.

Asked whether Mom cooks at all, I said that she used to try.

Asked why she doesn't try to cook any longer, I said that it's because she's tired of us complaining.

I don't know why I didn't say, well, because she died this summer. I suspect it had something to do with the pity party I suppose would have followed (and, apparently, felt like avoiding?). I thought I was coping well with being left with only her lessons and our memories. Now I'm left wondering whether it's healthier to talk and acknowledge her death in everyday contexts or to left turn around bringing the Grim Reaper up when possible.

I laugh and I smile when I think of her, but the tears do still come with some daydreams.


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