Sunday, March 12, 2006

Nice Little Saturday

Act I

Scene i, Eastside West, a bar in the Marina District of San Francisco.

1:40 a.m. Last call has passed. House lights glare. The crowd filters towards the door.

[Argyle Blue Devil finishes his drink, closes out his tab, and motions to his friends, SLS1L and Gerald Bearington]

ARGYLE BLUE DEVIL: We're set here. I'll meet you outside.

SLS1L [hesitating for a moment]: Okay...

[Like a salmon heading upstream, ABD snakes against the crowd towards the back of the establishment. His progress is summarily impeded within feet of his destination by a larger and more imposing figure]

ABD [to Bouncer]: Pardon me.

BOUNCER: We're closed.

ABD [pointedly]: I know. I'm just heading to the bathroom.

BOUNCER [deadpan]: We're closed.

ABD [checks watch, realizes it is not quite 2:00 am, and attempts to sidestep Bouncer]: Not until Two, you aren't.

[Bouncer spins ABD around, incapacitates him with a flawless "full nelson," and forcibly removes the rabble rouser. Gerald and SLS1L look on, paralyzed in laughter.]

ABD [flustered, bothered, irritated, outside the bar, and still needing to relieve himself]: Get off me! What time do you close, anyway?

BOUNCER: Two o'clock.

ABD [attempting to reestablish alpha male dominance, collar flaring now through the V-neck, steps forward, points at the Bouncer]: You can expect a lawsuit.


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